Tuesday, August 18, 2015
First Post-op Nerves
Going to my first post op tomorrow. Everything has hurt and I am scared. It seems like every time I start getting used to something it changes. I don't want them to unwrap it. What I want is to go disappear in a dark cave like the wounded animal I am. However, tomorrow I will go to the doctor like a good girl. Maybe I will get lucky and sleep. Its 11:30pm and finally my foot doesn't feel like its spasming so much. Nothing is comfortable. I move one way and I feel like my ankle is nailed to the cross. I move another and it feels like various pliars around my toes and forefoot pulling and grinding in all directions. Sadly what I look forward to least tomorrow is defending I am in pain or proving that i might need pain meds. I have never been a substance abuser and appreciate the care taken to keep me from that life but seriously... if this isn't managed I see why people flip over to trying something else. Luckily my dark side is sneaking ibuprofen at night so I can sleep. F****** druggies are ruining the normal recovery process. In fairness, I have decided I am not dying on a wagon train heading west in the days of old. My life could be way worse... I could have met Dr. Lisfranc instead of a namesake injury. My coping mechanism of choice post surgery is distraction and visualization. Not sure how to explain the latter as I made it up for myself. Basically I imagine the hurting spot and kind of turn it into something else in my mind. For example my pain felt like I had kicked a sharp corner over and over again between every toe. I tried to imagine running my bare foot along a smooth cold ball, gentle cool pressure helping relax my warm foot...... and I would do that until I could think about something else.