Tuesday, August 18, 2015

First Post-op Nerves

Going to my first post op tomorrow.  Everything has hurt and I am scared. It seems like every time I start getting used to something it changes.  I don't want them to unwrap it. What I want is to go disappear in a dark cave like the wounded animal I am. However, tomorrow I will go to the doctor like a good girl. Maybe I will get lucky and sleep. Its 11:30pm and finally my foot doesn't feel like its spasming so much. Nothing is comfortable.  I move one way and I feel like my ankle is nailed to the cross. I move another and it feels like various pliars around my toes and forefoot pulling and grinding in all directions.  Sadly what I look forward to least tomorrow is defending I am in pain or proving that i might need pain meds. I have never been a substance abuser and appreciate the care taken to keep me from that life but seriously... if this isn't managed I see why people flip over to trying something else.  Luckily my dark side is sneaking ibuprofen at night so I can sleep.  F****** druggies are ruining the normal recovery process. In fairness, I have decided I am not dying on a wagon train heading west in the days of old.  My life could be way worse... I could have met Dr. Lisfranc instead of a namesake injury. My coping mechanism of choice post surgery is distraction and visualization.  Not sure how to explain the latter as I made it up for myself. Basically I   imagine the hurting spot and kind of turn it into something else in my mind. For example my pain felt like I had kicked a sharp corner over and over again between every toe. I tried to imagine running my bare foot along a smooth cold ball, gentle cool pressure helping relax my warm foot...... and I would do that until I could think about something else.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry your pain was so bad. It's so frustrating that people don't just believe us, when we say how bad it is. Pain is subjective, so nobody but us can describe what we are feeling. It's so nice to have your blog and the Lisfranc Facebook page where we can receive empathy, care and help from others who know exactly what we are going through.