Monday, August 31, 2015

Slippery cover

My dear knee walker friends... 

I was using this nice soft cover on my walker but the more I use it the more the worn parts make it a bit slippery.  I dont have a typical cast and its summer time so i am mostly in shorts.  I love my lil walker for getting me around and dont want to complain, its just in this circumstance knowing everyplace I need to use caution is critical. I cant afford another fall.

Ps... i put the cover on because i have issues with textures.  So, no plans to take it off... just to use caution. 

Heres a photo of my soft cast type situation and my beloved cover.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

My sister

It was my sister that suggested I start blogging. She knows I love writing and I am creative.  I dont know if she knew what a good outlet it would be for me.  I saved many of my entries, waiting to post until i was feeling better. This is because no one can really help with pain and there is no reason hurting the ones I love. I hope it doesnt bother them to read the truth of how I have been feeling.

I have been reading other LF blogs and have decided us 2%ers need to stick together. This is a difficult injury to overcome.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Post op visit #2

Well.... the good news... no major damage from the fall on Sunday.  My surgery is still holding :-)  My 3rd metatarsal might have moved slightly but not enough to be significant.
I had my stitches taken out. My doctor let me photograph it after. In some respects its so amazing and my mind gleefully disconnects... but pain usually brings me back in to my body.
The problem is every time I see him... my foot gets unwrapped, procedures, and then rewrapped. The night that follows is always a hard one.  I think last night I discovered this one is a nerve issue because I raised my toes providing counter pressure with the ace bandages and the pain kind of quit.  I am going to have to take issue with this nerve stuff but.... not looking forward to it.  The pain is constantly changing and its hard to know what I am dealing with. I also get this weird tingling sensation like goose bumps in a particular section of my leg.  Doctor says that's a nerve issue.
I am tired of hurting and tired of being tired.  Perhaps I will cheer up when my friend comes to visit.

Monday, August 24, 2015

The after surgery fall

I had been feeling so good, 11 days past surgery.  I was lowering the amount of pain meds, in fact this had been my best day yet.  It was late afternoon and I decided to take a shower while our house guests were out. While in the shower i imagined writing this about the ackwardnes of doing the most mundane tasks.  However, while I was dressing my knee slipped and in reflex i put my injured foot down to catch myself.  The excruciating pain had me crying out in agony for quite a while.   My family members were worried and feeling helpless. It took me a long time and meds to calm myself.  About 2 hours later I told my mom I wasnt sure what bothered me most, the foot pain or the Idea of messing up my surgery. 
I keep feeling like I am starting over. My foot was broken July 24th, the pain began to subside and then surgery August 12th.   Now, when I was starting to feel better August 23, another set back.  I am terrified of messing this foot up further.  Normally I am a strong person but this is starting to get to me. 
Endless days of foot elevation........
I find I dont feel like talking to anyone. I want to do things myself and cant. I get stressed out by others. I now constantly fear something happenning to my foot.  I have to plan pain meds around functions.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Medicine Rules

So, since I don't take narcotics regularly I didn't know there were so many rules. The part I hate is learning the rules the hard way. Apparently, I have to get the prescription from my doctor with his hand written signature and take it to pharmacy.  I have 12 hours of pain meds left. There are no refills. The medicine cant be called in.  My doctors office is 40 minutes away from my house and its 3:30 in the afternoon when I discover that my doctor forgot to sign the prescription.  Its fixable, but what if it weren't. What if this was 4:30 on a Friday afternoon or the weekend. 
For those not used to taking this type of medicine my suggestion is to be proactive in getting your medicine just in case. Better to have it if you need it than have none and get a major pain flare. Last night the pain flared up so bad I didn't know what I was going to do. I made it through and this morning I had manageable pain again but now I fear running out of medicine. I fear that out of control pain. Interesting new experience that I hope goes away in time.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Epic pain

After what I thought was such a fantastic day my foot began to hurt unbearably bad.   I was crying and had to have my mom come over. She rewrapped the outer elastic because it felt tight. I feel like princess and the pea, I can feel everything and its so excruciating.   All I can do is breath and try not to cry.

First post-op reality

So, of course I made it bigger in my mind than reality.  My doctor is nice, kind, compassionate, and good at his job. My visit was a success for both me and my doctor. I couldn't be happier. He did unwrap it and let me take photos. I cant decide if I am amazed or horrified. Perhaps its both.  No lectures about pain meds and in fact an apology about new state law.  Maybe I was being sensitive, or losing my mind. Being super emotional since I broke my foot, is the one thing I notice a lot.  

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

First Post-op Nerves

Going to my first post op tomorrow.  Everything has hurt and I am scared. It seems like every time I start getting used to something it changes.  I don't want them to unwrap it. What I want is to go disappear in a dark cave like the wounded animal I am. However, tomorrow I will go to the doctor like a good girl. Maybe I will get lucky and sleep. Its 11:30pm and finally my foot doesn't feel like its spasming so much. Nothing is comfortable.  I move one way and I feel like my ankle is nailed to the cross. I move another and it feels like various pliars around my toes and forefoot pulling and grinding in all directions.  Sadly what I look forward to least tomorrow is defending I am in pain or proving that i might need pain meds. I have never been a substance abuser and appreciate the care taken to keep me from that life but seriously... if this isn't managed I see why people flip over to trying something else.  Luckily my dark side is sneaking ibuprofen at night so I can sleep.  F****** druggies are ruining the normal recovery process. In fairness, I have decided I am not dying on a wagon train heading west in the days of old.  My life could be way worse... I could have met Dr. Lisfranc instead of a namesake injury. My coping mechanism of choice post surgery is distraction and visualization.  Not sure how to explain the latter as I made it up for myself. Basically I   imagine the hurting spot and kind of turn it into something else in my mind. For example my pain felt like I had kicked a sharp corner over and over again between every toe. I tried to imagine running my bare foot along a smooth cold ball, gentle cool pressure helping relax my warm foot...... and I would do that until I could think about something else.

Stupid things

The stupidest things bother you when your laid up. For example, somebody cleaned the front of the TV but left dust lines across the viewing surface. Normally I would go fix it but now... getting across the room is effort not to mention finding a cloth, carrying it, putting it away.  All those little tasks used to be no big deal.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

The first 48 hours

The pain was excruciating.   In recovery it felt like my first three toes were in vice grips that would never let go.  That eventually turned into that sensation of jamming your foot into a sharp hard corner... only it never stops and hurts in more than one spot.
Night 2 I thought I was going to die. I wished I could die or just chop my foot off... I don't scream no one believes me that it hurts.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Better or Worse

1st night of surgery. Trying to distract myself from the pain... 1 hour till meds... I cant believe how much I hurt.  I had just adjusted to the pain of the break.
My doctor swears that the first 48 hours are the hardest.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The podiatrist says its bad

Initially at the hospital my foot didn't look so bad. Swollen and painful but visually it didn't seam like anything special. If it had not of hurt so much I wouldn't have gone in at all. I knew I hurt myself but I had no idea what I was in for. 
The ER doc got ex-rays and informed me I had a break in the third metatarsal.  He gave me pain meds and told me I could walk on it. I thought, 'this man is crazy, no way am I walking on it'.  I was referred to a podiatrist.

The podiatrist did a weight bearing ex-ray and determined a Lisfranc injury and sent me for ct scans.  The visuals for the ct were really cool, btw.  Anyways, it was determined I had 5 fractures and 2 dislocations.  This became easier to believe once the bruising pattern started to show.  Classic bruising on the under foot and along the outside edge of the top.