8 months since I broke my foot

My friends and family must be watching me because I hear them say, "your getting around good today" or "oh, your limping".

The truth is, even when I am not limping, I still feel pain in my foot. Sometimes less than others but its not gone. This is the point at which patience becomes a true challenge.   I am now fully realising how much muscle atrophy I truly have. Emotionally I have had secret pity parties about dancing, jumping, and general life. I spend more time off my foot than I would ever care to admit. According to my doctor all systems go, Houston we have lift off, and I am free to go back to my normal life. There is some sort of disconnect between what doc says I can do and reality. Reality is: my one year recovery is only 7 months out because I have to count from my surgery date. Recovery is a process, its long and not for the impatient. 

I have come along ways but theres still further to go. 

Perhaps in a year from now I will be active again. I am thinking hiking, dancing, ice skating, not feeling scared to join friends in what ever their activity might be.

Ditching the boot

Well... its been 18 days since my screw removal. I am not supposed to ditch the boot till tuesday but I am so sick of the thing. I unwrapped my foot, the skin has that funny look but the bruises are almost gone.  It still gets purple but overall I think its healing great.  My activity level is still somewhat sedentary but managing that along with pain is still an art form to me. I make it through the day without painpills but if i want any sleep at night i still have to take them.

This injury is so incredibly long term and when I lose heart my mom reminds me of my mantra; the goal is to heal well now so i can function the rest of my life.

Here is the foot photo of the day.

Surgery 2

So I  go to my 1 week post op later today.  I had hardware removal.

Recovery this time is so much better.  Its unclear to me which or all of the following made it easier; I knew what to expect, the surgery was less invasive, my body doesnt like metal in it, or perhaps my attitude and health are better.

How has this injury changed you?

I try to describe to well intended friends and family that this has changed my life. But, how can you describe those changes without sounding like a complainer.  I dont really feel like telling everyone I know all the ways in which this has changed me and why. Frankly I dont think most people have a true understanding of what it means to have their whole life come to a complete stop and when it slowly begins its momentum that the process is long.

I dont feel like telling people yeah I know that injury was 6 months ago but I have high pain days still.  I still feel uncertain about how long my foot will last. I still can't traverse uneven ground very well. I often fear falling and thats just the begining of my emotions on this topic.

Tonight I had to let one of my best friends down. She needs me and i am not going to be there for her.

'How has this injury changed you?'  There just isn't an accurate way to describe it.

2am

Well.... the pain isnt crippling like just after surgery but I would love to be pain free.  I am doing really great and I think the physical therapist might have released me today but i still limp.  Its 2am in the morning and I cant sleep. My foot is aching, my whole dam leg is aching. I  took some pain meds so I can get some sleep. I want to be done with the therapist, sick of hurting after.

Lol, is it still a midnight rant if its 2am?

I wish I was sleeping. .....

Crutch free

I forgot to post (good sign right?). 

On November 19th at therapy I was made to walk crutch free. That night I had a bought of determination and decided that I wanted to remain crutch free so begining November 20th I am oficially crutch free with one exception. My exception is the swimming pool, its slippery so I use my knee walker and have my sister help/spot me. I use the boot at night when my foot is tired but mostly I am device free. Seams like its taken forever and I still experience pain and swelling but my hobble is slowly looking like a walk.

I so miss driving that I am thinking of sneaking out to the car and seeing what it feels like. I am unsure how the movement will be so just going down the road and back. Nothing major as I am still legally liable until the doctor clears me, but I see him later this week :-) 

Dreaming of embracing my new freedom with christmas lights and hot chocolate, maybe even some shopping.

One Crutch

I am recovering slowly but successfully.   I havent posted in a while because I am doing well.  Although,  it seemed an update might be in order.

Last Friday I went swimming for the first time and this week began alternating swimming and physical therapy. In the pool I walk small laps in the shallow end then swim when my foot is tired, for approximately 30 to 45 minutes.

Therapy sessions now include a variety of the following:  antigravity treadmill,  seated stepper with rounded half balls put on the foot plates, balance board, an isometric machine, manual stimulation, and e-stem.  After an hour or more of this I am quite fatigued.

I  am not progressing fast but I can tell soon I will be walking without the crutch. I have quit my boot also, just a few days ago. I am thinking i will try to use the boot and no crutches .... play with what works.

I believe today is 14 weeks post surgery.

I have been wanting to do fun winter things like go ice skating.  My son is sweet and told me he would go ice skating with me. My thought is that this is a good sign. State of mind is deffinately part of a long recovery.